Early Doors

Tactics Bored: Kompany gets better and better

Early Doors

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The FA Cup happened, and Liverpool have become Premier League champions in the final game of the season against Manchester City. There will be an analysis of both these sides, and also of Vincent Kompany’s improvement of his passing game which came to fruition yesterday. As well as that, David Moyes has brought into question a philosophical paradox regarding whether or not he can be compared to a cat in a box. That is obviously fairly advanced-level football tactics, so ease yourself in with the first three examples, and if you can’t keep up, do not feel embarrassed.

Analysis of Vincent Kompany’s improvement

Vincent Kompany is a bookish man. A man as likely to look suave on Match Of The Day as he is to use more than one syllable in a Facebook post and expect praise for doing it. He knows several thousand words, but unfortunately doesn’t know how to say ‘hubris’ in any of them. Despite that, he constantly strives for self-improvement, and he’s known to watch videos of past games 25 hours a day. That’s how committed he is to getting better. It’s been rumoured recently that like Derek Zoolander working on Magnum, Kompany had a top secret weapon - he was going to start adding to his assist count.

And boy did it work. With the game at 2-2 between Manchester City and Liverpool, in what could well be a title decider, Kompany unleashed his very own Magnum. If you check the diagram below, you can see that Kompany’s hours and hours of practice have paid off, as he needed just one touch to find Philippe Coutinho and to set up the winner. Well done, Vincent. Well done.

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Liverpool DNA - What makes them the team that we all love to love?

It’s great to see that everybody’s favourite second team, Liverpool, are finally getting back to their rightful place as Champions of England. There can be absolutely no denying that with their approach to football - not just Liverpool Football Club, but the whole game itself - they are a credit to their club, city, country, and the world, if not the universe too. In much the same way as a recent study was done to see what made up Arsenal DNA, so the same has been done for Liverpool’s fans. Here are the defining characteristics of everything that makes Liverpool their inimitable selves.

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It’s delightful amongst all the aggravation and controversy in football these days to be able to focus on doing something sincere, and finding out what makes football so enjoyable to participate in, not only as a fan, but an observer too.

FA Cup activity breakdown - unquestionable value for money

We all know that the FA Cup is the most romantic competition around. There is nowhere else that celebrates the down-to-earth goodness of English (and Welsh - no letters, please) football. We also all know that The FA spent more than the GDP of England (and Wales - no letters, please) on constructing the new Wembley and therefore the semi-finals also take place at the stadium as a way of paying for the costs of the ground.

And what tremendous value one gets from the match day itself. From the £4.50 for 330ml of rice-based American lager to the £3 pastry-and-mashed-lung roll that you can snack on, it’s a thrilling experience. Taking the analytical approach, you can see that it’s not just football that you get from the day. Of course, the old fashioned might simply want to pay for a ticket to a football match and watch some football, but hours of research show just what you get for your £40 ticket:

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It really is like a modern day variety show.

David Moyes’ philosophical ponder

This weekend the sack rumours just got louder and louder for David Moyes, and yet Manchester United went undefeated through both Saturday and Sunday, which is a rarity for the side. The answer, then, is paradoxical. If Moyes doesn’t manage, but is the manager, United don’t lose, but they also don’t play. We have headed into an area called Schrodinger's Football Manager. It’s football meets philosophy (I call it footlosophy) and the question is thus:

If you put a cat in a box, it is neither dead nor alive. It is only when you open the box that you learn whether it is dead or not. Until the box is opened, the cat is neither dead nor alive. But if you have David Moyes in charge of Manchester United, the team is fundamentally dead, but you can’t tell that for sure if there’s no game for him to prove it. Do Manchester United’s owners think that they should put United or David Moyes in a box? It simply isn’t clear. But this diagram of David Moyes on a cat’s body should clear up any misunderstandings.

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Alexander Netherton - @lxndrnthrtn

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