Early Doors

10 things more interesting than Aston Villa v Newcastle

Early Doors

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The second weekend of the new Premier League season began with the early Saturday kick-off, Aston Villa v Newcastle.

And we’re terribly sorry about that.

[REPORT: VILLA TOP UNTIL 5PM AFTER 'GEORDIE SNORE']

Here are some things we could (and should) have been doing instead of wasting 90 minutes on that match:

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1) Watch Roy Keane ‘ice bucket challenge’ – or any ice bucket challenge for that matter, now the viral campaign has jumped the freezing-cold shark. But poor Keano appeared to have been affected worst by the game:

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Surely he’d rather have taken another four dozen cold buckets of H20 than watch that again.

2) Search for ‘AVFC top league’ on Twitter – and read every result: https://twitter.com/search?q=avfc%20top%20league&src=typd

3) Compile a ‘greatest hits’ Word document of tweets from parody account ‘Boring James Milner’

4) Watch a 90-minute loop of Phil Jones’ robotic teleprompter performance about United ‘bouncing back’ from the Swansea defeat against Sunderland.

5) Offer a 1000-word explanation as to why Arturo Vidal has not yet signed for Manchester United.

6) Spend the rest of the day listening to someone explain why ‘The Wire’ is must-see TV.

7) Watch a season review DVD of Sebastian Vettel’s 2013 Formula 1 championship victory.

8) Re-enact the game online on FIFA with an opponent who has promised to leave the room if anyone scores.

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9) Watch the 2006 World Snooker Championship final between Peter Ebdon and Graeme Dott. In its entirety.

10) Work in data entry.

[AT LEAST PARDEW'S MIME ROUTINE ENTERTAINED...]

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