Cow Corner

Five stats that sum up England’s terrible tour

It has been a frankly disastrous tour Down Under for England so far and it is showing no signs of turning around before it is over.

In what is fast becoming a humiliation, Alastair Cook's side failed to perform with the bat on a single occasion over the course of humbling defeats in Brisbane and Adelaide, while Australia look set to make it three out of three in Perth.

Many different theories are being offered as to why this is such a startlingly lopsided Ashes contest given that England won 3-0 in the reverse series over the summer, so here are a few facts to provide some sense (well, okay, maybe not).

There are certainly five stats that can help us all understand what on earth is going on with Andy Flower's disheartened and despondent tourists.

1) IS THAT A ONE-SIDED COIN THERE, PUP?

STAT - England have not won a match in 2013 after losing the toss and have not lost a single game in 2013 after winning it. In this series they have lost all three tosses with captain Cook in horrendous form with the coin. Must make better calls.

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2) WHO NEEDS 11 BATSMEN WHEN THREE WILL DO?

STAT - David Warner, Brad Haddin and Michael Clarke have scored more runs between the three of them than the entire England team have managed in the series. While the three Australia batsmen have bristled with confidence and swagger, England have looked about as strong and purposeful as a dead fish.

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3) ENGLAND HAVE BEEN WARNER-ED

STAT - Australia opener Warner has scored more runs (457) than Kevin Pietersen, Ian Bell, Matt Prior, Ben Stokes and Stuart Broad all put together (448) with two centuries compared to none. The 'tached batsman took an huge amount of stick over the summer after his antics in shabby Aussie-themed bars, but he has responded superbly.

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4) WHY GRAHAM GOOCH IS STILL WEEPING

STAT - England's batting coach and founder of the 'Daddy 100' club, Goochie has not even been treated to a single standard, boring, everyday century, let alone a gorgeous, sparkling 150+. He can be forgiven his tears. Australia can boast six and counting with Gooch left to stare blankly out into the distance.

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5) BOWLED INTO THE GROUND... LITERALLY

STAT - Australia have batted for 561 overs so far in this series, while England have only occupied the crease for a paltry 388. In all, the hosts have batted for well over a day longer than the tourists in the series. No wonder the England bowlers look utterly exhausted and well and truly crushed. They won't be buying any drinks for the batsmen after this series.

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[Australia close on series victory after building huge lead]

[Third Test: Scorecard / stats / commentary]

[Broad suffers foot injury, will not bowl again in Perth]

[Analysis: How Australia are taking key wickets by design]

[Why Ashes not welcome at the MCG]