So let's have a quick blast through some familiar themes and pretend this whole thing never happened.
Marouane Fellaini: Much-coveted comedy-haired midfielder happy at Everton: "Although I’m happy to be praised for my performances, my future is with Everton."
Luis Suarez: Much-coveted cartoon rabbit happy at Liverpool, not fussed by Juventus interest: "It's been talked about quite a lot and I always read a lot of stories in the newspapers. But I'm very happy at Liverpool."
Wilfried Zaha: Much-coveted Crystal Palace starlet could see move to Arsenal hijacked by Manchester United, who will buy him in January then send him back to Palace on loan. (Mail on Sunday)
Fernando Llorente: Much-coveted Basque striker to be subject of £7m bid from Tottenham in January. (Sunday Mirror) Ashley Cole: Much-coveted veteran full-back could make surprise move to Manchester City instead of anticipated Bosman transfer to PSG. (Sunday Express)
Luiz Gustavo: Here's a slightly different one, which probably means it's untrue. Arsenal to bid £12m for Bayern Munich defensive midfielder in January. (Sunday Mirror)