Collecting splinters
Tue May 06 09:00AM
Losing that game to Croatia was the best thing that could have happened to English football.
Just look at the state of the players Steve McClown would have been taking to Euro 2008.
Wayne Rooney is injured (again), while his replacement Carlos Tevez is showing him up with vastly superior performances.
Fellow striker Michael Owen has at least been playing, but his recent form deserted him against Chelsea yesterday.
The self-proclaimed "still world-class" Owen missed four more-than-presentable chances at St James's and ED reckons he is approximately 17 minutes away from his next injury - probably a hamstring this time.
Frank Lampard has obviously had a tough time recently and yesterday had to sit on the bench while Michael Ballack kept Chelsea in the title race with another vital goal.
Alongside him was Joe Cole, curiously dissed by Avram Grant and left out in favour of the streaky Florent Malouda.
There was no sign at all of Shaun Wright-Phillips, nor has there been for some weeks. ED is starting to get worried, and thinks Chelsea should put out an announcement on their Tannoy system:
"Would the small child with the diamond-encrusted Rolex please make himself known to a member of staff."
Ashley Cole was also left out of the squad altogether and had a free Bank Holiday Monday, although tragically he didn't indulge in a traditional all-day drinking session at his local boozer.
He is still battling his way out of the dog house after recent alleged indiscretions, while wife Cheryl weighs up a host of alternative propositions.
Ashley knows a thing or two about stringing one suitor along while scanning the field for better offers, having dumped Arsenal and their p***-taking £55,000-a-week to join Chelsea.
He can only hope Cheryl is not also pictured secretly meeting Jose Mourinho in an exclusive London hotel, as there would be only one winner in that tug-of-love.
For the moment, Cheryl must make do with the affections of grammatically-impaired Black Eyed Peas star Will.i.am (middle name Ivanhoe, like Emile Heskey) and a load of women.
Having recorded some godawful song with Girls Aloud, .i.am said: "If Cheryl was single, hell yeah! She'd just have to holler. I saw her a few days ago. She's doing good - she was looking hot."
Last month, Cheryl was voted as the top lesbian icon in a poll, romping to victory with 43 percent of the vote when lesbians were asked to name their dream WAG.
- - -
After watching Arsenal win the women's FA Cup yesterday, Early Doors has concluded that football, like the Yorkie bar (but not Cheryl Cole), is not for girls.
What exactly is the appeal of ladies' football? The players are slower, weaker and less skilful and the league is even less competitive than the men's one.
And the goalkeeping makes those hapless blokes from the African Cup of Nations look like 16 Dino Zoffs.
Arsenal clinched their third Double in a row after scooping their fifth straight league title with a record of 20 wins and a draw from 21 games.
It is not like tennis, where the less powerful hitting makes the game better to watch, or beach volleyball, where the maximum bikini size requirements (no, really) keep things interesting.
Still, it is good to know FIFA have a masterplan to promote the game. Here's ED punch bag Sepp Blatter: "Let the women play in more feminine clothes like they do in volleyball. They could, for example, have tighter shorts. Female players are pretty, if you excuse me for saying so ..."
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "This league is in danger of becoming one of the most boring but great leagues in the world. The top four will be the same again next year. What I can say to the fans is that we will be trying to get fifth and win the other league that is going on in the Premier League. We are a million miles away though." Kevin Keegan on the "boring but great" spectacle of English football.
FAN OF THE DAY: David Witthoft, a Green Bay Packers American Football fan who wore his Brett Favre shirt every day for four years but has now removed it following Favre's retirement.
Newcastle frequently and preposterously claim to have the best fans in the world, but you don't see similar acts of devotion from the Geordie faithful.
Of course, the equivalent would not be wearing a replica shirt every day, which plenty of people round Early Doors's way do anyway, but rather turning up to work topless with just an Alan Shearer tattoo and a beer gut to preserve your modesty.
FOREIGN VIEW: It's a while since we had a transfer rumour from Corriere dello Sport. It is obviously Premier League midfielder week in Italy, with Juventus set to splash £14 million on Xabi Alonso following Milan's capture of Mathieu Flamini for nowt.
TALKING POINT: First of all, a joke from sav46e: "What's the first sign of madness? Suggs walking up your driveway."
Next, you can actually see the moment in this post when chrisnewman950's excitement fades and he realises Stoke are the new Derby: "I no longer care about lower league football now that the mighty, mighty Potters are strutting their stuff in the Premiership. You Big Four fans won't know what's hit you when we unleash big Mama Sidibe (imagine Drogba with no touch, no technique and no simulation ability) and Ricardo Fuller (pathologically unable to pass) on you. Watching us struggle to dispatch a very ordinary Leicester side I was struck by the chilling thought that there will soon be two divisions between us and that we are no where near good enough for that."
Finally: "I suspect ED is a staunch fan of the meat club (Spartak Moscow), secretly wishing their club was in Manchester United's position to play Chelsea in the Champions League final; fantasizing the meat players thrashing Chelsea by a record breaking margin including one scored by the meat goal keeper to beat Petr Cech on the other end. Dream on." Well, ED suspects pimpsy10101 had just got home from a Bank Holiday bender when he left that effort at 1am last night.
Today - Is anyone prepared to defend women's football?
COMING UP: Team of the Week was held back a day for the benefit of all the Bank Holiday slackers, so that is coming up shortly. There's also Bundesliga and Coupe de France live later on if you're interested.
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IM this storyDefend women's football? Who's attacking it? Who's watching it? Other than Barny, no one really gives a hoot. Am I not right?
From eliotot on Tue May 06 09:09AMDefend women's football? Who's attacking it? Who's watching it? Other than Barny, no one really gives a hoot. Am I not right?
From eliotot on Tue May 06 09:09AMThree doubles in a row? The women's league sounds like the Scottish Premier.
From eliotot on Tue May 06 09:10AMThat double post is solely due to the dumb Internet in China here. What they block you then unblock you...wonder what they're up to this time.
From eliotot on Tue May 06 09:11AMGeez you're all still sleeping. Wakey wakey...Barny? You have a hangover or something?
From eliotot on Tue May 06 09:12AMhaha...very funny. Sense the sarcasm
From tibury1172001 on Tue May 06 09:16AMYou know it is a slow news day when you see the headline "Croatia coach announces squad". It was very positive that England didn't qualify for Euro 2008 - it got rid of McLaren and got a decent manager in. Maybe he can start to teach them how to string coherent sentences together using words of more than one syllable, and they could then move on to stringing together passing moves of more than 3 passes without losing the ball(Chelsea's was a good one last night for Malouda's gola btw). Women's footy - never seen a game so can't comment. I am sure the talking point will bring out all the old chestnuts about swapping shirts after the game etc. While the Female Gooners are the top dogs (no offence intended), it should be noted that Everton Ladies did beat them in the final of the Premier League Cup and break their unbeaten run going back literally years. So there was some silverware at Everton this year lol. Everton Ladies played on both Saturday and Sunday last weekend to catch up on fixtures. Imagine Premier League players being asked to do that - the poor lambs would be just too tired!!!
From andywalker269 on Tue May 06 09:19AMSepp Blatter saying wom,en football players are pretty? Granted, one or two are quite nice in the "I'll go in that queue at the supermarket to get served by her" way, but I can't think of any absolute stunners (anyone got any examples I could look up?) - I once had one of the Blackburn Ladies side try to pull me, what a beast, I barely got out alive let alone with any dignity. But maybe Sepp has a point. Rather than goals or ability, they could be scored on score-ability (see what I did there...) - in fact we could do away with the footballs and big draughty stadiums, and replace them with shiny poles and intimate clubs.
Or maybe Sepp should shut up. Maybe more money should be invested in developing skills at grass routes level, increasing the skill level so more attractive football is played. The football should be attractive, the women do not need to be. Suggesting men would watch football for attractive ladies alone is as bad as those silly women who watch football just to oggle at Beckham, Lampard, Owen etc.
From dantomprez on Tue May 06 09:23AMI once lost a girlfriend when I refused to go a schoolgirl's footie match in Washington DC. She wasn't playing, but the daughter of a pal of hers was. Shame on me, I suppose.
From james_ssmith on Tue May 06 09:24AMWalter-mitty strikes again!
From paulathompson15 on Tue May 06 09:27AMwomans football is nothing short of piss, mind you in saying that the Brazil squad arn't half bad!
From andyc147 on Tue May 06 09:27AMArsene Wenger is a wanker for letting Flamini go!!!!! He has a small, unexperienced squad already without losing one of his main players!!!!
From philipcosabela on Tue May 06 09:30AMTheres nothing wrong with it,you dont hear a cry for mens hockey to be banned,so live and let live.
From petemave on Tue May 06 09:33AMWhat about the hundred year old Newcastle supporter shown on TV yesterday. If that's not commitment to a rubbish team...
From pnielsen51 on Tue May 06 09:37AMI went out with a Swedish footballer who was half decent (looks & football)
and I used to watch some games. Never saw a decent goalkeeper though, they were all Calamity Janes !
From neil_avery on Tue May 06 09:51AMim sure wenger tried to keep flamini but there is no point in breaking the bank for a player who clearly didnt want to stay. its no surprise that flamini went, cant really blame him or wenger. to be honest he isnt the best player around and wont be that sorely missed. the squad is thin tho and wenger needs to be looking at 5 or 6 players if they are to have a chance next season
From marcgrant7 on Tue May 06 09:53AMI have to hand it to my (just to reaffirm my loyalties to your fine selves) Chelsea though. We've stuck in there after everything that went on in the early season. At the end of the day we're here challenging ManU on two fronts!
As for ladies football, think ED is right about it being a drab to watch. It's like watching men's football in slow-motion and more upper chest dangling..
I am sensing a grand wollop come barny..
From aardhaart on Tue May 06 10:00AMthe story goes that women normally have to be literally half dead before they will admit to being ill, whereas men are generally hopeless and claim illness at the merest sniffle e.g. man-flu. Translating that into football and the whole thing about diving and simulation, does that mean that women footballers go down more easily in the box than mean like Drogba, Ronaldo etc?
From andywalker269 on Tue May 06 10:00AMAnswer to post 12 - Wenger (as far as we know) is not like that Austrian freak who kept his family locked in a basement for years - players have the freedom to come and go, and Wenger can't always keep them, just like all managers. According to the press, Flamini wanted to go, seemingly not for more money (he is apparently only getting about 5k more a week in Italy) but because he wanted to be at a club with more ambition. Whatever the reason, if a player wants to go and his heart isn't in it, best to let him go for the sake of squad unity. If Hleb goes as well, it is going to be interesting!
From andywalker269 on Tue May 06 10:04AMI'd love to date a woman footballer.....some of them are Ok looking, and imagine a passionate afternoon between the sheets and then you can take her down the park for a kickabout. It doesn't get much better than that!!! If she criticised my ability (kickabout wise obviously) in any way shape or form though she'd be out the door taking her pink predators with her!!!
From robbie72005 on Tue May 06 10:05AMI played women's football for 15 years, and I have to admit, I prefer playng with blokes.
From fanofkdc on Tue May 06 10:10AMOOOOh, Eliotot,
sorry lad, been missing me, lol, Regarding womens footie, don't watch it all the time but its okay. Never be as strong as the mens game for obvious reasons. I beg to differ that there is little talent on show though. When it first started it was a bit lame, but some of those girls would put a few male professionals to shame now. Arsenal ladies are a dominant force, Everton ladies are on the ascendancy. They are not all ugly beasts, or lesb---s, so give them a break. Will say the goalies need a bit more coaching though. Womens football is getting to be a big draw in Europe now, so all you lot can scoff, but I wouldn't mind being one of them, playing footie, getting to travel, meeting footballers, wish there had been as many opportunities when I was younger and kicking the ball about. Fair play to them, ....
a
From barny1158 on Tue May 06 10:25AMgenerally women are skilless and has hopeless coordination, they will never @#$%ct with the ball on a half volley~~~~ but mind you there are some hot ones, ronaldo's girlfren back in the 1998/2002 (forgot which one) world cup, but that may turn out to be a transvestite, lol~~~~ one thing i would like to know is the salary they are earning
From vitorlam on Tue May 06 10:28AMgenerally women are skilless and has hopeless coordination, they will never @#$%ct with the ball on a half volley~~~~ but mine you there are som e hot ones, ronaldo's girlfren back in the 2002 world cup, but that may turn out to be a transvestites, lol~~~ one thing i would like to know is what salary are these top-flight women footballers earning
From vitorlam on Tue May 06 10:31AMI watched some of the women's FA Cup Final with my wife & even she thought it was rubbish & didn't look like real football. I liked Sepp Blatter's in no way patronising quote. He's right; women are pretty. Perhaps they should play in little frilly dresses & settle drawn games with a penalty tea party
From chrisnewman950 on Tue May 06 10:31AMThe 1st talking point is my joke. does that mean u liked it?
That is funny what you wrote about the womans goalkeepers n the African keepers cause I said the exact same thing to my mate no too long ago. They seem to turn and then nump forward rather than dive to the side. Charltons womans keeper worst thing Ive ever seen!
From sav46e on Tue May 06 10:39AMVitorlam;
Was your post a result of actually watching womens football at any time, cos your comment ; "Women will never @#$%ct with the ball on a half volley,: thats crap, so if you have ever watched , hate to think what team you were watching. And just how many posts on here will be from people who can actually give an unbiased opinion, and not one concocted from predjudices. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to acknowledge the differences between mens and womens football, but to slate it offhand is ignorance in itself. I don't castigate men for wanting to cook , be a nurse,or design womens clothes. Point made.....From barny1158 on Tue May 06 10:43AMTurning it around, just look at the state of manager the players would be taking with them to Austria. So glad we lost at Wembley.
From eliotot on Tue May 06 10:44AMSepp Blatter- what an idiot, but a funny idiot!
From daveloweuk on Tue May 06 10:54AMbest commentary of the weekend came in the women's cup final. The bloke turned to the Leeds Lady, (injured for the occassion so roped in for co-commentating) and talking about one of her team-mates on the pitch, said, "you'll have to tell me later why her nickname is munch". I mean, come on!
From sammy_jb_uk on Tue May 06 11:00AM
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