AUSTRALIA SPLIT BY HOMEWORK GATE
After their latest poor performance, Australia’s cricket management demanded players give a presentation on how to improve their fortunes. As we all know, several players failed to complete the task, including vice-captain Shane Watson. They were kicked off the team. Here is some of the reaction…
“There have been plenty of warnings and as a consequence, you eventually have to make a call and that call was made. Not easy, I appreciate that. You can only get your last chance so many times” – Australia’s high-performance manager Pat Howard explains the decision.
"Pat Howard doesn't particularly know me very well. He's come from a rugby background and hasn't been in and around cricket very long” – Shane Watson is neither impressed with Howard’s credentials nor his decision-making.
"If you wind back the clock to the old days it was about going to a pub or locking yourselves in a room with a few beers in a relaxed environment and making it all informal. If two guys have got an issue they can punch one another in a corner if they have to” – Shane Warne looks like he’s been cryogenically frozen since the late 1980s, and his comments appear to vindicate that theory.
"Shane’s obviously made a blue here - I don't like to refer to it as homework because it wasn't homework - not getting his tasks done that were given to him by the coach. I loved every moment that I played with Watto” – Ricky Ponting provides his own view on the situation in his own brand of 'Jive' (Aus).
"If Shane Watson has to think about his position, that tells you more about him than anything else and maybe we're better off bringing forward a younger kid that wants it. He spends more time being rotated than a rotisserie, he gets paid millions of dollars and sure, his wife is having a baby, but if that's the way he's thinking then he should go and play IPL” – Former captain Kim Hughes does not mince his words about Watson.
GET THE GRUNT OUT
"When you're (grunting) that loud, but you aren't doing that on every single shot, there is obviously a reason for why you're grunting like that… It's annoying. It was extremely, extremely loud, more than I have experienced from any other player on the tour” – Andy Murray does not like Carlos Berlocq’s grunting. He hates it, you know.
BAYERN SKIN BEAR-LIKE ARSENAL
"I have no interest in dividing up the skin before I kill the bear. My team is not listening to those saying we are the best team in Europe at the moment” – The bear almost bit Bayern’s head off in the end, but this was an amusing analogy for non-German speakers.
TIGER ROARS INTO FORM
"I enjoy being there. That's why I work my tail off to lift all those weights, hit all those balls and spend those countless hours out there to be in that position. That is why I prepare so hard - to be there” – Some have wondered if Tiger Woods’s resurgence may have something to with a return to his old alpha ways; he attributes it to good old hard work.
DON'T MESS WITH EMO MESSI
"I think Lionel's the same as before on a day-to-day basis; I think he's fine. But I'm no hypocrite; I don't dress things up. It's obvious that he's been lacking some spark in recent games. Why? I don't know. I haven't tried to find out. I only want to know what people want to tell me.
"And if someone doesn't want to talk about their life or what they're going through, then who am I to ask? I respect his privacy. But I've noticed that his head has been down a bit more than usual. I think what sets him apart from the rest is that he has a lot of character and when he gets it wrong, he keeps trying."
Daniel Alves feared Lionel Messi had gone all Emo, like when Spiderman started wearing black and listening to The Horrors; the little wizard responded by dismantling AC Milan a few days later.
BLATTER SLAMS ‘SOULLESS’ EUROS
"A tournament should be played in one country. That is how you create identity and euphoria. They have fragmented the 2020 tournament. So it is not a European Championship any more. It has to have a different name. I do not know what name. Such a Euro lacks heart and soul."
Sepp Blatter calls the European Championships soulless. Something nothing needs to be added.
FROCH OUT TO 'RUIN' GROVES
“If Froch v Groves was made tomorrow, most people would say – and some are already saying – that it would be a mismatch and that I would ruin him. And I would” – Carl Froch does little to challenge the view that all boxers are loudmouths, regardless of eloquence and cool.
ROFL LULZ LMFAO!!!xox (etc)
"Omg I won the World Cup Downhill title!!!!! 6 in a row with a bum knee! Everything in life comes back around” – Lindsey Vonn reveals that, not only does she have great mental strength and resolve, but she is rather precocious for a 13-year-old from Leighton Buzzard.
SAHIN PRAISES THE LORD
"I spoke with (Rodgers) and asked him why I was playing (as a number 10). It is not my real position. The boss could not answer me... still, I am not sorry about it. To play in the red jersey and be in Anfield is something marvellous. Maybe if I had not gone there I would not have been able to return to Borussia Dortmund. For that, I am happy.
"But I have left Brendan Rodgers, thanks be to God."
Borussia Dortmund midfielder Nuri Sahin is not a fan of The Office.