An Arsenal fan tells Arsene Wenger to open his wallet (Reuters)
Step right up, step right up! Come on in to the overreaction theatre!
Leave your common sense at the door as we bring you the best tweets of the weekend from the overly optimistic to the painfully pessimistic. Logic and perspective have no place here.
The opening weekend of the Premier League season is in the books so it's time to panic, praise, predict and pontificate like there is no tomorrow because, in this league, the here and now is the only reality that matters.
Arsenal 1-3 Aston Villa
So how many options do you think we had for this game? I suppose if you have a blowhard celebrity fan then you can expect him to blow…hard.
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) August 17, 2013
But always remember through great disappointment comes great art.
The tears have dried up, What remains now is sorrow & grief, The love still exists, But the passion fades, Oh Arsenal, why are you so crap. — Hamster (@Hamster41) August 17, 2013
And if you can't find the words, post a video of a man who says it all for you (WARNING: Bad Language)
— ArsenalFanTV (@arsenalfantv) August 18, 2013
Or turn to drink
But if your new signing is the hero, give him a cool nickname and instant legendary status.
Football, Bloody ell... What were the odds on that happening! TONY MOON becomes a Villa legend on his debut!
— David Jeffreys (@ChinaPlateMate) August 17, 2013
That's left-back Antonio Luna to you, me, and the Iberian peninsula.
Liverpool 1-0 Stoke
One thing you absolutely must do is take full advantage if your team is lucky enough to play in the early game on the opening weekend.
And even your striker is a reject from two of your main rivals be bold with your predictions, if he scores on the opening day, then what's to stop him being a goal machine all season?
— matty back (@mattyback78) August 17, 2013
On the flip side, if one of your team's players lets you down in some way, stay calm, take deep breaths, take it on the chin and sabotage his Wikipedia page.
And if you have a strong feeling about something do not to let facts get in the way of your opinion.
WALTERS IS BY FAR THE WORST PENALTY TAKER OF ALL TIME
— Lewis Needham (@lewis_bcafc) August 17, 2013
Swansea City 1-4 Manchester United
One swallow DOES make a summer. All those doubts about David Moyes instantly washed away.
I said since the announcement, Moyes is a touch of class. — cantseh (@cantseh) August 17, 2013
Moyes shouldn't try testing anything. The team is perfect as is. — Sivuyile Mbeka (@Sivu_Mbeka) August 17, 2013
And if your team loses, no fear, there are always other sports
Chelsea 2-0 Hull City
Victory over a promoted side = the second coming
Chelsea won ✔ Clean Sheet ✔ Schurrle’s Debut ✔ KDB’s Debut✔ Mourinho’s Successful 2nd coming✔ — Chelsea Stuff™ (@TheChelseaStuff) August 18, 2013
Pre-season friendly win + goal in the 14th minute of an unrelated game = smug tweet.
Hull City > Real Betis > Real Madrid
— Ash Lord (@ashlord23) August 18, 2013
Crystal Palace 0-1 Tottenham Hotspur
Put your money where your mouth is
lol Palace, I'm so confident they'll go straight back down that I'll give anyone who RT's this a fiver if they stay up, boom. — squibba (@squibba95) August 18, 2013
One man team?
Poor start from Spurs. Clearly missing Gareth Bale.
— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) August 18, 2013
Norwich 2-2 Everton
If you have sold one striker and signed a new one, that does not mean you need to buy a new shirt.
And there is no limit to the potential of a young talent.
I am not over exaggerating in the slightest when I say that Ross Barkley is the best player in the universe
— Michael Grooby (@Michael_Grooby) August 17, 2013
Sunderland 0-1 Fulham
You may be considered one of the great football thinkers, having written books and countless articles about the history of the game and its complex tactical philosophies. You may have then delighted in your team's summer signings – but that doesn't mean you are not allowed to overreact less than 90 minutes into the season.
You know my pre-season optimism for Sunderland? Can I retract that? — Jonathan Wilson (@jonawils) August 17, 2013
But if your team wins thanks to a goal from an unlikely hero – such as Pajtim Kasami - you'll do anything for him.
— FulhamTexas (@FulhamTexas) August 17, 2013
West Bromwich Albion 0-1 Southampton
If you do lose on the opening day, you can at least relish in the misery of underachieving local rivals.
And if you made a pre-season prediction that has been somewhat justified after the first day of the season remember to remind people of that fact because it has now been proven as an undoubted fact for the rest of the season.
— Stuart Gregory (@Mortgage_Stu) August 17, 2013
West Ham 2-0 Cardiff
Time for more of that schadenfreude
Loud cheers at West Ham about Arsenal. Announcer: "It's almost worth not being top of the league for that score." — Miguel Delaney (@MiguelDelaney) August 17, 2013
And keep the blue flag flying high (even if your club owner has changed it to a red one)
Cardiff relegated, Tan out, new owner reverts rebrand for PR sake. It's horrible to think that this is not a bad outcome for me :(
— Retrospekt (@MattRetrospekt) August 17, 2013